This past year has been a year of massive growth for me. I met someone great, fell in love, struggled with some differences in our relationship, grew as an individual more than ever before, and just when I thought I had it all figured out… he broke up with me.
“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable.” —C.S. Lewis
For the first 30 years of my life, nothing was ever enough. My motto was, “I’ll love my life when ‘INSERT FUTURE EVENT’ happens.” I was addicted to the “honeymoon phase” of every new experience. And I’m not even talking about relationships… new college courses, new degree programs, new careers, new jobs, new big life changes, new vacations, new starts to sports seasons… the list goes on.
I used to be clueless when it came to my feelings. All I knew was that I had them, they were all over the place, and I wanted them to just go away.
The moment I turned 30, I had a quarter-life crisis and was faced to deal with 30 years of built up feelings — aka my pile of shit.
I fall deeply when someone shows me their soul. I love hard without reservation. I see the love and vulnerability in others, even when they do not see it in themselves.
I am afraid to expose my heart. I am brave and expose it anyway. I follow my heart and fight for what I believe in. I see beauty in pain. I lean into discomfort. I feel everything. I cry often.