This past year has been a year of massive growth for me. I met someone great, fell in love, struggled with some differences in our relationship, grew as an individual more than ever before, and just when I thought I had it all figured out… he broke up with me.
But here’s the thing, I’m so grateful that he did.
Of course, this feeling of gratitude didn’t exist when it happened. I was heartbroken, lonely, and jaded. Starting all over again seemed exhausting. But as time passed and more space was put between us, it was clear that we weren’t right for each other (despite the fact that he was an amazing person.) We both longed for vastly different things, but we cared so deeply for one another that we were blind.
longings are your non-negotiables
When we first dating, I didn’t clearly know what I longed for, nor did I own that part of me. I allowed others to convince me that what I longed for was too much / too demanding / unrealistic / selfish / etc. So I shrunk myself down. I compromised on my longing. I most definitely didn’t own it, and I absolutely felt shame because of it.
I wasn’t living authentically. And that’s never okay.
living an authentic life
I now not only know what I want, but I own it 100%.
I long to do life with my best friend. I want to giggle with him in bed on a lazy Sunday morning… to get a big hug and a listening ear when I tell him I have a sad about something… to break each other’s stones (a lot)… to make mistakes in the relationship and learn and grow from them together… to have snuggles ALL OF THE DAMN TIME… to feel heard and less alone whenever I confess something I’m struggling with…. to miss him the second we’re apart and for him to miss me more… to always feel safe to share my feelings and to never have my feelings dismissed… to be able to let him know what I need and for him to feel secure enough with me to do the same… to build a meepy family together where we can experience all that life has to offer… and to make the choice to love him forever and to never let that love fade.
This is my longing, I own it, and it’s non-negotiable.
I’m not going to sugar-coat it for you, sharing this with guys I’ve dated since the break-up scared the crap out of some of them. One even said that my conviction in what I longed for made him question everything about his existence O_O
But this is my authentic self. This is what I want. And I’m determined to let it happen.
What do you long for? What non-negotiable need have you been compromising on?